Dear Kate and Gerry McCann
I write this apology to you with a very heavy heart, a heart that knows now how much pain and suffering I caused you, your family and friends by allowing a forum to exist that was none other than a “cess-pit”.
I had no right to stand in judgement of a family who are bearing the most inconceivable pain ever, the loss of a child and a family who need people to help not hinder.
You, your family and your friends did NOT deserve to have your lives torn apart by malicious posts written on a forum I hosted and by posts written by myself. Even though I had no control of what those people wrote I did hold the ultimate power to delete. My failure to do that simple action will never be excusable, along with my failure to control a rabid situation which added to the pain you, as parents of a missing child, were already suffering.
I know deep down, no matter how many times I say “I’m sorry”, it will never take that pain you both must have felt and still continue to feel if you read those posts and that, on my part, is unforgiveable.
One day I hope you find it in your heart to forgive a stupid blinkered woman, who should have known better, for her sins. A woman who allowed her own gut-instinct and feelings to rule her judgement, instead of allowing the facts and evidence which was evident to prove that your daughter is a missing child and a child that needs to be found.
I don’t expect your forgiveness because to be honest if I was standing in your shoes at this precise moment, I would probably find it hard to forgive a person who caused my family so much unnecessary pain.
My selfish actions gave a platform and an arena to a man who is beyond contempt in my eyes. A man who will stop at nothing in his attempt to tarnish the family and friends of a missing child with his horrendous accusations and his actions that cause as much pain to a child’s family, ever imaginable. A man who will stop at nothing in order to satisfy his own insatiable quest to inflict as much pain and suffering as he can on the family of a missing child. A man that proclaims he cares for your daughter but leads people to believe that Madeleine is not a findable living child.
Whether he would have gained such an audience if the3arguidos had never been created I don’t know. And for allowing this man to have free access to a forum that caused you so much pain, I sincerely apologise to you both and realise my actions were so wrong. And knowing full well that my actions of allowing him to post on that forum gained him popularity, and for that action I can only offer you both my unreservedly sincere regrets and profound apologies.
As they say hindsight is such a wonderful thing and when I say I wish I could turn back the clock I truly mean it. If I could have had access to a crystal ball for just one split second back in November 2007, no way would I have ever clicked on that submit button that created that monster of a forum.
Your daughter deserved better than that, you deserved better than that. She deserved my attention to be focussed on helping to find her not condemning innocent people and standing in judgement without knowing all the facts. So many forum myths were created by that forum, and I want to dispel those myths by writing about the truth and by trying to put right the so many wrongs I did to your family.
The truth is in the files and definitely not in someone’s mind or what they think is the truth.
I failed to see that even though you were bearing the hardest pain any parent could ever imagine, you still found it in yourselves to help the plight of missing people. You ran, cycled and raised awareness and money for Charity. You campaigned tirelessly for Amber Alert and instead of giving you credit I gave you condemnation. You both did not deserve that.
I have read your book Kate, and I feel as if, through your words, I have got to know the real Kate McCann and not the Kate McCann the media at times wanted to portray, especially the Portuguese media. I have felt your pain and shared your laughter, especially at you running to the top of that hill in New Zealand.
I have cried so many tears at reading how desperate you both were for information and news about your daughter’s whereabouts and please may you one day both find it in your hearts to forgive me.
My jaw has dropped to the floor when I read about the questioning, the conduct of the Police, how unprofessional they were at times, and the information you told us all about children being molested whilst on holiday.
I close by saying, may your pain end soon with Madeleine being found alive and returned home to you both. Where Madeleine may once again be in the warmth, comfort and love of her family a place where she should never have been taken from. May God listen to your pleas and answer your prayers soon.
I truly am sorry for adding to your pain and maybe one day, you both, will find it in your hearts to forgive me.